the X-Treme grocery trip

it's a well-known fact that i have a lot of material in my Blogger Dashboard, just waiting to be finished or posted. actually, a lot of my half-baked posts consist of a sentence or a thought that just needs expanding. some of them are raw ideas or stories that i think have the potential to be funny or thought-provoking or whatever i feel like being at the time.

a blog can be a LOT of work, especially when you have untold masses of people relying on you to be funny, thought-provoking, serious, light, personal, etc etc etc. if you're not, no one will read what you wrote. it's a huge personal responsibility. anyways, i thought this time i'd just present you with some raw material from my Dashboard, and you can get what you want out of it. i'm tired of doing all the work. except, of course, color-coordinating some of the words, for maximum effect with minimal effort.

i made a twenty-minute trip into hy-vee the other day. my body has never been so confused and doesn't know whether to sweat or make goosebumps or turn my fingertips into raisins or just start bruising all over.

starting out, of course, i walk out of my warm home, into the cold air, into my warm[read:always VERY warm] car and again into the freezing winter air. that's just getting to Hy-Vee, and that's enough to make me go into cardiac arrest. but then just as my heart recovers from the shock, i step into the giant roaster that is the entryway of all grocery stores in the winter. it is basically a human-size broiler with a fan on it, meant to warm you up for the one second you're under it. (and that's all it probably takes for most people, but i enjoy standing under it for a good amount of time.) and i stood there for a minute or two, and warmed up all the way down to my kidneys. ok, i'm good, right? well today, this grocery visit made necessary trips through the fridge section, the bakery section, and the freezer section; the temperatures of these areas are 60 degrees, 98.5 degrees and 30 degrees, respectively. i then hobbled to the checkout area, which, being near the front doors, is served by pulsing blasts of winter air intertwined with the 3,000-degree heater air. then i had to go under the broiler again (which thawed and then evaporated all the frozen sweat on my body), then out into the winter cold, then into my still-warm car.

no post-post commentary. i'm tired.