a collage of wisdom

you might be tempted to be angry with me for not posting for so long, but the reason is that i have been out, in the world, collecting quotes from my varied travels to share with you. my backpack is full of scraps of paper with jumbled words on them, just waiting to be immortalized in...nonphysical electronic text. anyways, in all their glory, the unedited wisdom of the mass of humanity around me.

in class

"My interpretation of this text is that whenever we see a reference to a genie, we should immediately think of Allah." -student in English class

"The only way people can fly is by growing angel wings." -same student

"What's the cube root of four sixteenths?" -student in response to the question "Do you have any questions?"

"How our human conversations evolve from the tooth fairy to serial killers." -English professor

"That chair is the color tan. Yucky tan." -Computer Science professor

"If you want to see a real master at work, just watch Steve Jobs at a press conference." -Computer Science professor

"The opening ceremonies of the Olympics kind of frightened me. If 2000 men can drum in synchronization, they can take over the world." -Renaissance History professor

During an exam review for Computer Science class:
Student: "Can you define a string again, please?"
Professor: "Let me show you. 'Hi, I'm a cow.' That's a string."

family/Mary

"Nikki, can I interest you in a big cup of shut up?" -Dad

"Looks like you need to have a better coefficient of friction." - Justin, when the stack of books was too heavy for the small bookend

"Looks like the eye of the hurricane is right over Jamaica. Well, I bet they are good at evacuating, because there are a lot of really good runners there." -Mary (during the Olympics)

Mom: "Mary, you need to need to listen to what I'm saying."
Mary: "I'm trying, but you just keep blabbing, on and on and on..."

"I think this jacket makes me look really sisticated." -Mary

Mom: Wait until I'm done on the computer, then we can turn on the debate."
Mary: "I think this presidential election is just a little more important than our entertainment!"

"If I ever get acne, I am DEFINITELY using Proactiv because it is so effective even on tough acne." - Mary after seeing countless Proactiv commercials

While Mom was scrambling around to get everyone ready to go somewhere, Mary called from upstairs and called down to Mom: "Mom, I've never understood what lips were for."

"Russia's way more powerful now that they took over Atlanta." -Mary

radio/TV/newspaper

"Barbers always know everything about who people are going to vote for. They're the best pollsters. Who needs a $25,000 poll when you can get one for $15, and a shave too?" -NPR

"A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away." - Barry Goldwater

"There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers." - Richard Feynman, physicist

overheard

"Justin Timberlake is bringing verb conjugations back." - overheard on campus

"I am the queen of nonchalant bluffing" - girl on the bus

"You're kissing him right now, aren't you?" - a guy talking on his cell phone