The Inherent Optimism of (Most) Cynicism

This wasn't a bad day by any standard, or at least by most standards. Nothing incredibly good or incredibly bad happened, and I won't subject you to any tedious, yawn-inducing narratives.

So on to other subjects. I'll be blunt: I'm a cynic. To me, the glass of water isn't just half empty, but I don't even like water in the first place. I enjoy finding the bad side of situations and the logical faults in arguments; I've been told I'd make a great prosecuting attorney. This characteristic singles me out when I'm surrounded by those annoying perky unrealistic optimists (making it great for parties). But while it comes quite naturally, I'm also a cynic on purpose. Like a news reporter who singles out the negative and the preposterous and the provocative, I think that when I decide to say something negative, it's only because it's out of the ordinary. Think about it: when you choose to report the negative, you're implying that the negative is what's newsworthy, or un-ordinary. You're saying that good things are more common than bad ones. So it's actually quite an optimistic philosophy. I can't speak for anyone else but, when I say I'm a "cynic", I actually mean something different than a "pessimist".

So, in the spirit of positive news reporting, I have made a non-exhaustive list of things that irritate me, enrage me, and are generally not excellent things. They're not in order. Some are trivial, some are serious. Some have proper names and addresses. ;) But they all succeed in making our world a worse overall place to live.

• Businesses (especially gas stations) that feel the need to change the spelling of their names to royally lame variations like "Kids Korner" or "Kwik Shop" or "Kum'N'Go."
  
• Bird poop on my car.
• The U.N.
• That the Ipod Nano replaces the Mini but is more expensive.
• That the Ipod Nano doesn't come in cool metallic colors.
• That I can't, at this point in my life, justify the purchase of a Nano or a Mini.
• When people give you way too much information you don't need.
• When people don't give you the information you do need.
• That most celebrities like Kanye West can't even put together a coherent sentence unless it's scripted.
• That some people think Kanye West and Cher have legitimate, well-thought, thoroughly researched political views.
• That I have to assure people I'm not racist if I make a negative statement about Kanye West.
• That I probably won't ever be a millionaire.
• That Hugo Chavez is still around.
• The U.N.
  
• Bad drivers who sit in the fast lane going the exact same speed as the car in the slow lane.
• When they sit in your blind spot.
• Pretty much whenever they decide to get behind the wheel.
• When you try to get a piece of meat from a round plastic package and you can't get it out without squishing the meat all around and getting chunks of it under your fingernail.
  
• People who think spanking will ruin their children.
• Teachers who refuse to use red and who call a lazy failing student "success deferred."
• People who think most homeschoolers sit in their basement and learn from scrolls and are socially inept.
• Postage stamps that say "LOVE" for no apparent reason.
• That there will always be a better camera, somewhere.
• Greedy corrupted politicians who rob the poor by using international aid funding for themselves.
  
• Greedy corrupted politicians who rob the rich by taxing them more and penalizing them for hard work and success.
• People who are convinced that Beanie Babies will be worth thousands, nay, millions of dollars someday.
• That I have three bags full of Beanie Babies which I was formerly convinced would be worth thousands, nay, millions of dollars someday.
• Thirteen-year-old boys.
• Thirteen-year-old girls.
• Out-of-tune guitars.
• People who travel to Texas and sit in a ditch to try to make a difference in the world.

Wow. That's more of a list than I intended to make. So it just goes to show how good the world really is. toodles.