to be known?

If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. -c.s. lewis

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. - 1 Corinthians 13:12

the roomies and i had a conversation a few weeks ago which included, among many other things, the subject of being completely known.

being fully known, as A put it, is like "sitting across from someone and feeling like i'm sitting across from myself."

my family knows me pretty darn well. and that's the way it should be. apart from them, i've known only a few people who i'd describe in the way A did, one in particular. after only knowing me one or two short months, this *particular* person was able to make accurate, thoughtful observations about my character, my personality, and my faults....some of which i'd never realized before. i can't even begin to tell you how incredible that was. most of you probably know a few people like that in your lives too. you'd just never believe someone could understand you and realize what made you tick...and still be excited to see you every day. but wait....i've digressed into a pleasant batch of memories that don't need to be explored here any more.

it's no surprise to any of us that even those humans most "perfectly suited to us," like our spouses and closest friends, will and do fall drastically short of meeting our deep needs for relationship and connections. that's not the way it was intended, but that's how it turned out, because our once-ideal world is scarred with sin and shortcomings.

i think i can't stop writing cliches. so here comes another one. we all want to know and to be known. human beings are created with an innate (not external or conditioned) desire for relationships. at the end of the day when solitude dissolves our masks of independence and self-sufficiency, we all want to be understood, complete with our vulnerabilities. we want to be loved with those flaws. yet, we have a really difficult time showing those flaws to most people. and here's the kicker, the classical problem: humanity is, itself, fatally flawed. weird, huh...the thing that we want to be loved in spite of, is the exact same thing that keeps others from loving us in spite of it. it makes my head spin too.

this desire for fulfilment in relationships, is, i think, part of what it means to be made in God's image. God is like that towards us. God doesn't need us for anything, but he wants us to be close to him. he wants a relationship with us, his creation, purely and simply because he loves us. which is an unbelievable thing all by itself, but that's the only relationship that will ever completely fulfill our human thirst for that closeness. and on this earth, it won't ever be perfect (see the verse at the top). our salvation is a perpetual progression, and not until the other side of eternity will we fully know God. even then, i suppose i have my doubts. but that's an idea for another day. :)

i think it might have been CS Lewis that came up with this; i sure didn't. it's called the Argument From Desire. that desire to be known is a brilliant, vivid, constant evidence of how much we need God, and even of the most basic fact that God exists. it is truncated, distorted, and sometimes smashed beyond recognization by others' cruelty and our own bitterness. but it's a clear leftover of the days of perfect communion with God, reminding us now that we were created to be with him.

a general point made against the Argument from Desire is "the fact that you desire something doesn't prove the existence of the thing." they say "you might desire to be a unicorn, but that doesn't mean it's possible to be a unicorn, or even that unicorns are real." the implication within this argument is twofold: one, that the longing for closeness is something externally influenced; and therefore, the existence of the object of desire is not proved. so it's critical to remember that the desire for fulfilment in relationships is universal and therefore innate, and has nothing to do with outside conditioning or observation. on the contrary, the external circumstances we observe are peoples' relationships falling apart all over the place. we even see people swearing off certain kinds of relationships, because breaking those connections is so deeply hurtful. wouldn't you think that if our desire for relationships was an externally effected one, we'd all have sworn them all off by now? yet even after our hearts break and people desert us and our friends betray us, we keep seeking or longing (actively or not) for closeness. and [here] is where the Lewis quote (from the top) fits in. he said it a lot quicker than i did. :)

sometimes i think we want to know people chiefly because we want to be known ourselves. if that's the case, i'd guess for most people this cold, pragmatic approach is subconscious, not a specific "i will love this person because i desire love myself." and then i wonder if we were created chiefly to love, or to be loved, which sounds like something CS lewis would talk about. but that's all getting into the whole 'is there an unselfish motive' argument which is kind of silly so i won't explore it now, although on the other hand it does kind of point, in another way, to the twisted sinful world we live in (as if we needed more evidence).

wow. this goes so much deeper and longer than what i've put here. but i'll leave it there. so in short (i never really say anything in short), that's one more way that God reveals himself to us. there are so very many ways, but this is one of the most explicit. there's an unmet longing or a "God-shaped hole" inside everyone. grr, that's a cliche. sorry.