Fresh young seminary graduates

I have a kind of long post in the blog workshop, but it's just not flowing for me right now, and it's more serious than I feel like being at this moment. So I'll share with you some observations I've collected recently.

Over the past week or so, I've been able to observe a couple of gentlemen fresh out of seminary (about four or five years). On the street, these gentlemen are not unlike honest, young businessmen: confident, courteous, and, hopefully, good tippers. So that you may learn to recognize the fascinating species of young seminary graduates apart from clever look-alikes, though, here are just a few of the characteristics they regularly exhibit in my experience.

Your first few seconds of observation will yield a mental image of an Everyday American Joe. His hair is nicely trimmed and combed, his khakis are pleated Dockers, his loafers are polished but not expensive, and his striped polo shirt is tucked in and secured with a sensible brown belt. He is probably married to a piano player; maybe they have a few kids. He probably drives a minivan or some other unremarkable vehicle, but it might have an AWANA or "Christians Aren't Perfect, Just Forgiven" sticker on the back. Regardless of the everyday-dad look, you will perceive a subtle youthfulness in his demeanor: the vague, dopey grin never taking a significant vacation from his face and the overtly -- almost ceremoniously -- respectful manner in which he treats women and his elders. This youthfulness is strangely married to the arrogance which almost always tags close behind so many years of academia (other graduate students usually share this trait); the only difference is that the seminary student (ineffectively, usually) tries to mask his superior wisdom with the "I don't understand, explain it to me more" act, which is, of course, far more becoming to a humble, godly young learner.

He might be well-spoken or awkward in front of crowds, but he always says "we" or "I" instead of "you." He may use unnecessarily large words such as "bibliology" (studying the Bible) and "soteriology" (how we're saved), and references Capitalized Biblical Events, in front of people who probably don't know what they mean. And, whenever he talks about Scripture, he punctuates his speech with appropriate supporting references: "We know, through a complete soteriological approach, that we are all elected to salvation -- Ephesians chapter one -- so we must adopt a presuppositional bibliological worldview as it pertains to evangelism -- Romans one, verses twenty through twenty-five -- in order to make disciples as Christ entreats in the Great Commission -- Matthew chapter eighteen, verses eighteen through twenty." Of course, no one really talks that way in real life, as though they are reading the footnotes, so this is a clear indication that you are, indeed, observing a fresh young seminary graduate.

The reasons for this manner of speech are obvious. First, the fresh young seminary graduate is so chock-full of information that it just spills out of his mouth, often without his prior consent. In addition to that, though, I think the young seminary graduate has been exposed to so many competing sub-theologies during his education -- through the classes themselves and over evening decaf coffee with other seminary students -- that he constantly feels the need to support his statements with biblical evidence. You'll notice that a seasoned preacher of the Word never sprinkles references into his sermons, let alone his normal conversation, so generously. I think this is because he assumes that, if a younger sheep wants to know the reference, they'll ask for it. Or it could be that, after decades of teaching and shepherding have collected their toll, the venerable pastor no longer knows everything, but rather realizes how much he does not know. To the young graduate's credit, though, it is not a purposeful arrogance which he espouses, but one which he, as mentioned, desperately tries to conceal with a somewhat exaggerated humility.

In any case, the fresh young seminary graduate is an unusual, and therefore recognizable, individual. The overabundance of humility, the mild underlying arrogance, and the childlike glow, all melted together in the first few seconds of observation, effortlessly predict the other characteristics he will manifest in dialogue and mannerism.